Yo quiero mi Papa :)

I know personal sappy stuff doesn’t go over well in the blogging world but the thing is, I’m a broke college student. And as a broke college student you have to get creative when it get close to a birthday. So I’ll try to make this enjoyable for both you, my reader, and my dad. Cuz it’s his birthday!

 

If you don’t like it, I don’t care cuz this is really for my dad 🙂

REASONS WHY MY DADDY IS AWESOME

1) He shoots down large spiders with a bb gun

 

2) He and a neighbor dude also shoot at other critters with bb guns, and hide when they think they’re gonna get caught

 

3) He calls drug dealers “merchants of death”

 

4) He speaks decent Spanish (better than me)

5) As a kid, he was reluctant about me listening to N*Sync but had no problem with me listening to Maná cuz it was in Spanish. Just for reference, this band has uplifiting songs about:

~Being controlled by a manipulative girlfriend (like a mad dog)

~Indigenous persecution in Latin America

~Sitting in a corner being depressed (and depression in general)

~Broken heartedness

~Getting knocked up by your boyfriend but he doesn’t wanna take responsibility and you’re family will disown you if they find out so you’re trying to decide if suicide is better than abortion

Yep. Listened to that when I was 5.

6) He also let me listen to classic rock. My mom eventually questioned it when I was dancing around the house singing Mississippi Queen. Apparently it’s about a stripper. Again, I was about 6.

7) Before the age of cell phones, whenever he forgot me at swim practice, he’d always make up for it by buying me an ice cream. Made me wish he forgot me more often.

8) He will have fully coherent-ish conversations in his sleep sometimes. My favorite was when I was asking him how to write a haiku he responded with “No honey, Dr. Seuss is dead.”

9) He constantly helped me cram for Spanish and History exams in high school, even if it was at 2 in the morning and he was mostly asleep.

10) Even though he is terrified of heights, he would still do a 70ft rappel and full ropes course just because I was running it.

11) When feeling extremely hyper, he’d take me up to the park by our house so I could run around and chase rabbits and small children with light up scooters.

12) In the past year when I would have an anxiety attack at school, he would come pick me up, no questions asked, and take me out to do something fun. After my third hospitalization, he took a whole month off of work to look after me. Pretty much every day was a “fun day” during that month and while sometimes I wanted to kill him for making me get out of bed, his success rate for getting me out of the house was 100%.

13) Since I’ve joined weight watchers with him to get rid of my Seroquel fat, every time I lose weight he buys me a comic.

14) And last but not least, approximately 22.333 years ago my Mom and Dad’s cooties got mixed up in a Petri dish and WHAMO! I was created (my twin brother too!)

So here’s to you, Dad. God couldn’t have possibly picked a better parent for me. Besos muchos .

❤ Your Little Monkey

PS: Today also marks one year of being hospital-free : )

Spider Season

So I’m not sure what’s going on, or why this is happening.. but there’s no denying it. It’s spider season.

 At first I thought this was just a local event. Weird stuff happens on any college campus. So when I started seeing these freakishly large, radioactive colored spiders hanging of basically every bush and tree, my gut reaction was that it was a bio-chem experiment gone wonky. Like, Spiderman type status. After all, I do live at UCSD. We are known for our science programs.

 

But much to my horror, this was not a localized invasion. I went home for the weekend to catch up with my parents. I was sitting at the kitchen table watching my dad doing some gardening outside when I saw it. The LONGEST single thread of spider web I’d ever seen. It stretched at least 50ft, from the top of the tallest tree in the back yard to our patio table.

 

I pointed this out to my dad, and he seemed just as shocked as me. Upon further questioning, I found out my dad had been seeing the same mutant spiders as me, scaling the trees and making webs in the windows. He had taken to shooting them down with a BB gun.

 

Yes. They’re that big.

 

So I did some research. I discovered that the spiders I was seeing were either orb-weaver spiders or garden spiders. Both are terrifying and gross. I also decided that I hate looking at pictures of spiders on the Internet.

 

Orb-weavers look like this.

 

Garden spiders look like this.

 

To me they both look like this.

 

I could never understand why Satan picked a snake to be his representation. I think spiders are much more satanic. At least snakes have 2 eyes.

 

As a result of all this curiosity provoked spider research, I have developed an intense paranoia of walking under or near any vegetation. I will cower into any passing stranger if I have to do so.

 

Strength in numbers right?

 

On the upside, all these creepy critters are right on time for Halloween. Who needs decorations when you have the real thing staring at you with 8 beady eyes through your bedroom window?

 

On the up UP side, it will be winter soon and the cold will kill off all the spiders. I hope.

 

If it doesn’t, I will start using my pepper spray for purposes other than defending myself against creepy, aggressive men.

 

They won’t even know what hit them.

The College Life..

Well, I’m one week in to this crazy life at a “Big Kid College” and while I’ve had more than a fair share of meltdowns over the parking situation..

everything seems to be running rather smoothly.

 

Except my bike. It seems to have a vendetta out to kill me. It’s probably partially my fault too that I didn’t take time to train, feed and love the cursed thing before I left.

 

Compare this with one of my roommates, Autumn. She is, like, the bike whisperer. Granted, she did work at a bike shop up in Stockton. Still, I can’t help but feel a little jealous that her bike seems overjoyed to be used while mine just seems pissed and spiteful.